“In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tribulations
Through Our Doubts
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I’ll Never Let You Part
For You’re Always In My Heart”
….Will You Be There , Michael Jackson
If there is one thing I’ll forever regret is not having been to the Michael Jackson Dangerous Tour concert here in Manila in 1996. I remember promising myself to watch him once he comes here to perform.
My friend Tonton Fermin, (my office-mate in BMI who “recruited” me to FLI) had asked me to watch the concert, but I had just went under the knife giving birth to my daughter Nikki back then. I was afraid not being able to stand the crowd. I’ve imagined myself in a pandemonium, getting trampled on with my newly operated-on abdomen saying hello to all the world… what a ghastly sight, and a very dishonorable way of meeting Joe Black… whew!!! I don’t know, but this gruesome scenario has always stopped me from falling from the Ortigas flyover… every time my sanity is overtaken by my suicidal tendencies … hwehehehe… : – D
I don’t care about what other people say about MJ… How he metamorphosed from ebony to ivory … or if he really was gay or a pedophile … Not that I am less moral or do I tolerate child abuse… di lang ako judgmental, I guess, and somehow, I want to believe what I wanted him to be. A genius, ultimate performer, sensitive, perfectionist (when in comes to his performance), a great artist, and most of all, I feel there was a lonely child inside of that spectacular figure that makes his awed audience cry every time he climbs the stage, and cry more to beg him to stay there forever, as if they don’t want him to vanish from that fantasy world of music, of movements, of colors, of feelings, of art, of everything that is Michael Jackson.
I was in Cubao while he performed at the Araneta Coliseum on his first visit to the Philippines. I was quite surprised that we were almost of the same age when all the while, I was expecting to see (in papers, that is) a little child, the Michael Jackson of the Jackson 5. He was so cute, he actually looked more of a Puerto Rican than a black American. That was the first time I got to subscribe to Jingle Magazine and practically followed his career since then. I bought his 2 solo albums that I took out of the shelf every time I come home- not to listen to it, but to look at his life size face on the cover…
Yes, he was my first love. (ugh) This is my first confession. Not even my mother knows about this. Hehe…
Even my singing voice that used to sound like that of Nora Aunor and Karen Carpenter started to sound like his…. Hahahahaha!!!! Ganun pala un… At un lang ang malungkot, ung boses kong buo at bilog, the one that my high school teachers and classmates would remember, e boses pipit na ngaun…. Hahahaha… (atleast, hindi boses kiki ehehehe….) For the information of how a “boses kiki” sounds, start listening to FG and his son Mikey.
I practically grew up with EM JAY… That’s how I called him… I even had a pen-pal from Jingle magazine that looked like him…. Hehe, nasan na kaya un… we promised to invite each other in our wedding, but we’ve lost touch….
I was there watching silently as his life- history unfolds… the metamorphosis, his competition with Prince, the reclusion, the comeback, the concerts, the scandals… sobrang awa ang aking naramdaman tuwing makikita ko s’yang umiiwas sa press, at ung mga pagsagot niya sa mga katanungang mahirap sagutin… ang laban sa korte, ang mga pagtraydor ng mga taong pinagkatiwalaan, ang mga interviews kung saan very humbly, sumasagot siya na nakangiti, pero alam mong there’s a child’s heart hurting inside him.
At ngayon, wala na si Michael Jackson, sa panahon ng pagtatangkang muling bumangon… I will forever miss you Em Jay…
Bakit ko nga ba isinusulat ito? Ewan, malungkot lang siguro ako ngayon.
Matagal na akong hindi tumutula, pero siguro, makatutula na ako dahil malungkot ako ngayon…
Isang Soneto sa King of Pop
(Kay Michael Jackson)
Paano pipigilin ang pagbuhos ng ulan
Kung ang ulap sa langit ay may pusong sugatan?
Hindi kayang suyuin ng ginintuang araw
O ng lambing na sipol nitong napiping buwan.
Gaano bang kalalim itong iwing panimdim
Na tinaglay ng kislap ng hambuging salamin?
Hindi kayang pawiin ng samyo nitong hangin
O pag-aalumpihit hakbang ng takipsilim.
Sino ang magsasabing mabigat mga paa
Malilikot na kamay may kawing na kadena?
Kung maharot na tugtog na ang kumukumparsa’y
Hindi kayang limiing malungkot na plegarya.
Ginto kang panginoring kasama’y mga bitwin
Hiwaga ng damdami’y hindi kayang arukin.
Rosemarie Medina Ydia
04 July 2009